"Those that are the hardest to love are the one's who need it the most"

So, I like this whole concept of loving people... If you haven't guessed it already, you will soon learn this about me.

Have you ever thought about why you're friends with your friends? Or why someone sticks out in your mind as being someone you really care about? Or why you even get along with some people?

This is hitting me more clearly than ever... I'm friends with the people I'm friends with because it's easy, convenient. You can't help being friends with the people who make you laugh, or smile, or the people you know will listen to you when you talk, or love you despite your flaws. It's easy to allow them in your life and to love them back.

But what about the people that just don't give you the right vibe? What about the people who you feel like you have to try too hard to get along with, where you feel bad if you don't laugh at their jokes, or smile and say hi to them when you see them because you don't want to hurt their feelings? People who've never really hurt or betrayed you, but you just can't like them for whatever reason?

OR what about the people who you get along with, but constantly hurt you? But they make you laugh, and can offer a helping hand, but in the end continue to tear your heart?

OR how about the people who you think are using you for whatever reason? That their friendship doesn't seem sincere, just an act, fake? What about the people who claim to love and do anything for you, but in the end don't give you what you need?

I know... I just asked a ton of questions. All things I have experienced, some currently, some in the past, some I can not avoid. I really struggle with this. People. Humans. We are all children of God. Don't we all need to love each other? Or at least don't I need to love them?

This is something I've been trying to work on, and still (obviously) don't have "the answer". But, through trying to love people that are hard to love, not the easy one's that just come naturally, but those who give you that bad vibe, who drive you nuts and you can't explain it, those people are the one's who need it "the most" and I've learned a lot from them... It's interesting, talking to people, trying to really learn who they are, where they come from.

I never liked history in school, but now, I see it's validity. An example: my dad, a man that I constantly have to forgive... a man that is so hard to love... a man that I feel loves his new family more than the family from his first marriage... a man that claims to be proud of me and love me but only about once a semester. Should that be good enough? I don't think so... I get mad at him so much. It's almost like wasted energy trying to love that man when I don't feel I receive it in return... But is that the point?

So back to history... I recently took a long drive with my mom who explained things about my dad's past, things he's too ashamed or hurt to say out loud, things he would never want me to know... But I'm glad I do know. In a way it's like I want to make more of an effort now to love this man who was never told he was loved. No wonder he has a hard time being the dad I need... He doesn't know how to be. Not that that excuses all of it, but he's human, broken, imperfect, and kind of tries. I still think it could be better, but what relationship doesn't need work?

I guess to put an end to this extremely long post is that I don't know what to do... But I do know that we are called to love one another... And maybe we should challenge ourselves to love those that are harder to love, not that we should put our other friends and loved ones on the back burner, but don't you think the love of God should be spread to everyone? Everyone needs some love in their life, and while it's great to have constancy within our group of friends, or church communities, or what have you, I think it's important to share that love with others, outside of the comfort zone...

Intro- John 15

Well hello! I'm basically starting this blog so that I can better understand/organize my thoughts... I'm not as articulate as I'd sometimes like to be, but I'm going to give it all a shot...

I attend the Lutheran Campus Ministries at Northern Arizona University. This year our theme was "Living a life of love". I am completely absorbed in this idea of living a life of loving others. I'm trying to figure out what that looks like and how I can continually get better at this...

The book of John chapter 15, particularly verses 9-17 is something that I have been resonating the most with lately, what it means, and how to apply it to my life. Here is one translation:

"I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father's commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn't confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn't choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other."

I'll continue my dissection later... For now, I must actually do work at work