How would you "label" me?!

I have a question, why do we label ourselves? Why do we ask each other, what religion are you? Why does it matter soooo much? Conservative vs liberal (and all the other things that I can't keep straight)??? Can't a girl just go to a church where she feels welcomes, be eager to learn and ask questions and not be labeled something? I don't know how to describe what I'm going through, I can't define to you EXACTLY what I believe, I can't deny God but I can't prove him either, I have lots of questions and lots of things that excite me, especially with this "Emerging" Church...

I dis-like the stereotypes with "Christians" not being accepting of homosexuality, being hypocrites, being a cult, to be christian means : you don't drink, smoke, have sex, do drugs, cuss AND on top of that you judge those who do... Oh and don't forget, Christians are ALWAYS trying to convert others to "their" ways to SAVE people.... WTF!!!!!!!!!

I drink, I occasionally smoke (hookah, cigarette with a drink), while I may not have sex- I ain't so perfect in that area either. I don't really judge (in the fact that I think others are terrible if they aren't christian or make different decisions for themselves... who am I to judge?!) AND I DON'T CONVERT!! I love when my friends want to experience what I'm experiencing, and I love to talk about stuff BUT I'M NOT LOOKING TO MAKE YOU ME!! Does this make me non-christian due to the stereotypes? and PS we're ALL hypocrites... think about it for a sec... ya you are too... and PSS (or PPS) I accept homosexuals!!!!!!!!! I said it! I do! Why should they be denied love?! (Whole other topic).

In all honesty, I don't really want to be called Christian... Now-a-days I don't even know what that means anymore... I don't know what to tell you that "I am". I don't know what I follow?? I follow a way of living a life of loving people? I follow caring about people, sometimes more than myself? I follow trying to care about the earth????? IDK...

How do you label me? Better yet, how do you label yourself and WHY?? I have OH so much learning to do ;)

PSSS (or something) this only scratches the surface of labels and titles and "entitlement" that bothers/confuses me... Grrr

so many emotions : /

I have come so far in my journey of faith, yet it's seems that I took a giant leap (or 20) backwards before I got here, and I'm not really sure where here is now...

This is what I know so far. I am content with not having all the answers, being completely broken, but striving to follow this "path" with no ending. I love to ask questions, I love to think, I love to be alone, I love to weep, I love to be relational with others, I love to LOVE, I love music - and want to start writing my own about my faith...

But I'm scared. The school year is around the corner, which means I have tons of things to focus on, but all I want to focus on is my/praise music and the community at LCM. All I want to do is be there for LCM to make it successful, to love and care for the community, to do EVERYTHING in my power to help it continue to be a place of welcome and love and trust and a place to worship and to feel safe... Not for glorification, oh my goodness NO! It's not about me... all I can think about are the people, new and returning, the new community...

Our pastor whom I love with my entire being, is moving to Minnesota. I am incredibly happy for her husband who is going to Luther Seminary and couldn't seem to be more excited! But I'm nervous... They have built our community up so well, they were such an important part of my life and my growth, and now I won't have them at my beckon call :/ I know I won't lose contact with them, I love them too much, but they won't be as readily available...

I think I was so comfortable with them, and now everythings been stirred up, and it almost feels like a new beginning... The good news is I feel ready for it, I want to take on the "challenge", but I still don't want to let go of what is comfortable... The bad news here, is I already feel like everything I've been working for over in the music building is being challenged by my involvement in the little blue building. The crazy part, is I'm ready to give up many things to take on new things... I'm starting to realize more of my passions, more of what makes me happy, where I thrive, where and who I WANT to be...

Basically, I'm scared, nervous, anxious, excited, sad, happy... All these emotions are giving me a headache, and I just want to be alone to think/pray and cry. I look forward to the many changes that are about to happen in my life, to define some of these transformations, and I look forward to the community that I get to love and grow with at LCM and the many things we can do outside of the little blue building...