I'm an extrovert, a lover, one who THRIVES off of being around other people. I love people!!!
Until recently, I didn't like being alone, ever. Even if I were to go work out, or do homework, or eat a meal, it was always with someone... I get my energy from others. I love to laugh and smile and get lost with other people instead of within my own thoughts...
But now, I love being alone. Alone with my thoughts. Alone with energy of life. Alone with a cup of coffee (or insert beverage of choice). Alone with nature. No one to talk to me, but my own thoughts.
This Saturday, I woke up, got ready and started walking towards the music building to practice this big marimba work that's kickin my butt. But as I was walking, I was drawn to Campus Coffee Bean. I hadn't eaten breakfast, so I decided to stop. It was beautiful outside, so I got a cup of coffee and a peanut butter, 6 grain bagel and sat at a table outside. And I ate, and sipped on my coffee...
After my bagel was gone, I felt glued to my seat. I wasn't ready to leave... So I didn't. I looked around at all the people walking by, all of them so different from another. One elder lady with a total 80's wardrobe with a sweater over her shoulders and a back brace; a younger gentleman wearing work out clothes and flip flops; a lady in her 40's wearing a total "hippie" outfit; a dad with his two children, laughing and enjoying their breakfast together; another guy (I actually knew him) with curly hair sprawled out over a couple chairs, just sitting with himself; an Indian man sitting on the curb; an older gentleman on his cell phone talking to person after person while he sat there...
Now what does all this imagery mean?!?! Nothing really... But after analyzing people, I wanted to cry. I thought to myself, how beautiful this place was. Everyone so different, drawn to this place for different reasons; it was just wonderful...
After that I was getting lost in my thoughts, checking out the mountains and trees, the birds hanging out wondering if they'll be able to eat our crumbs (or so I think they thought.. ha). I was glued. Stuck. In love with this creation of life. I just started crying. Not sobbing, but just a few tears...
I had an experience earlier this summer, where I purposefully sat myself alone, in my living room. For a few hours... alone with only my thoughts and the view of my apt ceiling.. and again, I weeped, except that time, I was sobbing...
I feel like alone time is very important to my life now. Time to think/pray, center myself from all the noise, but also time to just stop and look around at all the beauty in the world. Sometimes the beauty isn't so beautiful, but overall, it's a big, strange, incomprehensible world we're living in... And taking some time to check it out... Well I'll let you make up your mind about it ;)
Taking time to be with self just seems so pertinent... and I hope that when the madness of life begins again (with school, work, teching, practicing, rehearsals, gigs, hw, organizations, etc...) that I can remember to take some time for myself, because it's pretty great...
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Kinna I am glad you were able to have some time alone. You thrive off people and I envy you for that. I, myself on the other hand can sit alone for hours on end and some how find extreme happiness, lately it has come at a bit of a high price, but atleast I have found it. It is having too many people around where life feels overwhelming. I hope that as we work our way into the semester you find time to be alone, and hopefully I find it easy to be in a group of poeple. Maybe we can help eachother out... yea? I do not know, just a thought = )
ReplyDeleteAlone time is great and I hope you can find more of it in your busy schedule as a music major.
:) We can try and help each other out! When I go out with people, you come along... Then you just make sure you ask, "Kinna, have you had some alone time?!" Especially when I start to get stressed!!!!
ReplyDeleteKinna!
ReplyDeleteWonderful to read your post. I was captivated by how you took time to not just notice there were people at the coffee shop...but you looked even deeper into the snapshot of time and found the beauty within. Lovely! Lovely! Even us extroverts need time to be reflective, quiet, still and aware. It is fun to watch God working in and through you!