"You don't get a second chance for a first impression"- Unknown
Ok, while this makes sense, does it really justify not liking someone you hardly know? I can see it's validity for like a job interview or something where there are a lot of applicants and you may have to play "cut throat" but in general, I'm not ok with this...
Here's what I mean : Have you ever met someone who just looked/talked creepy? mean? too nice? annoying? crazy? etc? at first meet?
SO I've met a lot of people, like out at the bars, or just in a grocery store that I think look creepy, they just rub me the wrong way and I think I should stay away from them... Not sure if that's the "right" thing, but instincts come into play sometimes, and maybe we should listen to them...
But here's what bugs me. Someone new comes into our life, and we judge them based off of our first impression... whether it's a guy/girl your friend/family member is dating, a new friend of a friend, a new person to our work environment, etc. If they are too nice, too short, too tall, bald, hair too long, piercings, tattoos, too old, too young.... we somehow find a way to classify them and justify our ill or even good feelings towards them...
How can you tell the true character of a person by only one meet, be it 5 seconds or 5 minutes... especially when they don't even say a word...
I guess my point of this is that we are so quick to try and fit people into a category at first meeting, or come up with something we can say about them before we even try to get to know them better. I've recently done this and it turns out this girl was way cool... Yeah we're really different, can't be "best friends" BUT at least I'm not out there talkin crap about someone I hardly know because she would give me the "stink eye" which was just her face of insecurity, or being uncomfortable... sometimes people can be jealous or intimidated with the way YOU carry yourself, but if you just open up to them, then maybe they'll open up to you, and you may learn you have some things in common, or maybe they are your next best friend, or maybe you just learn something about them that makes you not think poorly of them anymore.
May seem like I care too much, but I see so much hurt and talking crap about people, people who need to be loved, just like you and I.
It's just a thought, but what if we all gave each other a second, or third chance at a first impression? What if before we comment about someone, we say "this was my initial reaction (if you must) but I'd really like to get to know them better...." And MAYBE we don't need to get to know everyone better, but we probably should before we speak poorly of them.
This blog is kind of vague and broad, but I'd love to hear peoples thoughts. Yeah, we're all going to fail from time to time, yeah we're going to listen to our initial instincts sometimes, but don't you think we should all make an effort to get to know people better? No, we can't be great friends with everyone, but we can show love to everyone (whole other blog ;P)...
What if you were to make a wrong 1st impression because you were having a bad day, got some bad news OR you were overly happy because you got great news or lack of sleep Or you just got your hair cut and/or dyed, or have fake nails, did your maekup a certain way, wore a certain outfit? Just doesn't seem right that someone would put you in a box or make up their mind about you right then and there...
On another similar note... People can change... even after years of knowing them... Are people willing to give those people another chance?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
People are people too...
Think of who your role models are... Who are people you look up to and admire? Who is your boss? Who has authority over you? Ever come across someone famous? Who has power?
Ok, so it's inevitable right? We're always going to have someone who is "in charge" of us or "the boss" or "controls some sort of our life" or "is higher is the 'spectrum' than us"... But I have a question. Why is it we feel the need to be scared of them, intimidation? OR why is it that some of them think they derserve "power"? That they are to be overly respected, adored, looked up to, that they don't need to give you the time of the day because you should be doing things for them? Who wears the pants? Who's "The Man..." ???
Everyone tells me to know who those people are, to accept it, and just roll with it... I could work my way up to that too (except at a dead end job being a student worker, not moving anywhere for 4 years... because you can't)... Well, I can, and I will, but I don't like how it makes me "feel"...
Here's a few different examples:
I see a well known band director (insert your profession here)... I feel like I can't approach them. They are unapproachable, because why would they want to talk to little ole me. Or maybe they just hold themselves high, and it's intimidating...
I see a well known percussionist/marimbist/drumset player (again, insert what you will)... I feel so excited to see them, and even though they may be approachable, I still can't. Again, why would they want to be bothered by a nobody like me? They probably get enough attention...
I work for the same boss for 4 years (of course they are like the boss of a boss). I see them pretty much every day (of course I don't work many hours) and even after 4 years, I have a hard time approaching them... Again, I feel like I'm an intrusion. They are too busy to deal with a student worker, even if I am doing something to help them out. I feel like I need to go through somebody else to get to them... like the food chain almost...
************************************************************************************
Those are just a few of many, many examples. But why is that? Why do I feel so insignificant? Sometimes it's not the person's fault who is "above" me, but sometimes it is when they don't even acknowledge my existence...
Here's what I'm proposing... People are people too right? Just because they have a "title" like Bishop, Manager, Famous, Well known/Respected Band Director, Pastor, Rabbi, Director, (insert other titles...) doesn't mean they are no longer human, or a person. Maybe some of them don't want to be acknowledged, but I'm not sure I'll let that stop me anymore...
I've realized the boss of a boss is a nice person, and funny, and can be personable, if they had time... I've realized the famous people can STILL be accepting and grateful for compliments and fans... I've learned that people who are more experienced and respected than I can still offer great advice and can be willing to sit and talk with you.... But I've also learned, there just are some "donkeys" out there that really hold themselves higher, and you need not communicate with them... With those people, I'll still smile and say hi, because they are still people, still in need of interaction, even if they may not want it....
So maybe we can just realize that we're all people with a story, people with feelings, people with family or not, friends or not... We're all just people. People who need, you guessed it.... Love.
HAHA! You know I had to add that ;) Love isn't cliche to me I swear! It's active, sometimes a huge challenge, but something completely worth it... (yeah I know, kind of random, but so am I... maybe another blog?! =p)
Ok, so it's inevitable right? We're always going to have someone who is "in charge" of us or "the boss" or "controls some sort of our life" or "is higher is the 'spectrum' than us"... But I have a question. Why is it we feel the need to be scared of them, intimidation? OR why is it that some of them think they derserve "power"? That they are to be overly respected, adored, looked up to, that they don't need to give you the time of the day because you should be doing things for them? Who wears the pants? Who's "The Man..." ???
Everyone tells me to know who those people are, to accept it, and just roll with it... I could work my way up to that too (except at a dead end job being a student worker, not moving anywhere for 4 years... because you can't)... Well, I can, and I will, but I don't like how it makes me "feel"...
Here's a few different examples:
I see a well known band director (insert your profession here)... I feel like I can't approach them. They are unapproachable, because why would they want to talk to little ole me. Or maybe they just hold themselves high, and it's intimidating...
I see a well known percussionist/marimbist/drumset player (again, insert what you will)... I feel so excited to see them, and even though they may be approachable, I still can't. Again, why would they want to be bothered by a nobody like me? They probably get enough attention...
I work for the same boss for 4 years (of course they are like the boss of a boss). I see them pretty much every day (of course I don't work many hours) and even after 4 years, I have a hard time approaching them... Again, I feel like I'm an intrusion. They are too busy to deal with a student worker, even if I am doing something to help them out. I feel like I need to go through somebody else to get to them... like the food chain almost...
************************************************************************************
Those are just a few of many, many examples. But why is that? Why do I feel so insignificant? Sometimes it's not the person's fault who is "above" me, but sometimes it is when they don't even acknowledge my existence...
Here's what I'm proposing... People are people too right? Just because they have a "title" like Bishop, Manager, Famous, Well known/Respected Band Director, Pastor, Rabbi, Director, (insert other titles...) doesn't mean they are no longer human, or a person. Maybe some of them don't want to be acknowledged, but I'm not sure I'll let that stop me anymore...
I've realized the boss of a boss is a nice person, and funny, and can be personable, if they had time... I've realized the famous people can STILL be accepting and grateful for compliments and fans... I've learned that people who are more experienced and respected than I can still offer great advice and can be willing to sit and talk with you.... But I've also learned, there just are some "donkeys" out there that really hold themselves higher, and you need not communicate with them... With those people, I'll still smile and say hi, because they are still people, still in need of interaction, even if they may not want it....
So maybe we can just realize that we're all people with a story, people with feelings, people with family or not, friends or not... We're all just people. People who need, you guessed it.... Love.
HAHA! You know I had to add that ;) Love isn't cliche to me I swear! It's active, sometimes a huge challenge, but something completely worth it... (yeah I know, kind of random, but so am I... maybe another blog?! =p)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Reconciliation...
"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation."- 2 Corinthians 5:17-19
rec⋅on⋅cile:
1.to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired.
2.to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable.
3.to compose or settle (a quarrel, dispute, etc.).
4.to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent.
5.to reconsecrate (a desecrated church, cemetery, etc.).
6.to restore (an excommunicate or penitent) to communion in a church.
The idea of reconciling to me is absolutely beautiful... The fact that there is a chance of a fresh start. The chance to make right with a loved one. The chance to forgive and love... What a gift.
What's the point of constantly talking bad about someone or something? I understand venting... Oh yes I get that... But constant venting about the same thing. Doesn't it get old?
We've been given the task to reconcile. To confront a situation... My pastor once gave a sermon that I absolutely loved. I don't remember the bible verse, it summarized kind of like this:
"If someone has sinned against you, confront them. If they do not listen, bring a witness. If they still do not listen, bring it in front of the church. If they still do not listen, treat them as Jesus would treat the tax collectors..."
Now some might read that and think that nobody liked tax collectors so Jesus would write them off, in essence "well I've tried everything, and they still won't listen, so I'll write them off"... But that's not what Jesus did. He ate dinner with the tax collectors...
I believe we are called to try and reconcile, and if it doesn't work, to continue to love anyway...
But how do we reconcile?
I was recently involved in a wonderful experience of reconciliation where everyone could speak and here is a few things I learned...
When reconciling:
-We have to be willing to be raw, to really think about OURSELVES in the situation, and what WE'VE done to allow or encourage or what have you within the situation. We need to be able to recognize our "faults" our imperfections, our actions or inactions...
-There can't be defensiveness... It's our first initial reaction, and we let feelings get in the way of truly understanding how the other person feels. First listen to the other person, re-iterate what you hear from them then proceed...
-You are allowed to have your opinion and express yourself as well, but try it in a way that doesn't attack the other person. Again, acceptance of your own faults is very important, especially so the other person realizes you know you "messed" up. It's easier to forgive that way...
-Encouragement and uplifting the other person is a great way to help them feel like they aren't a terrible person... Thanking them for realizing their faults and telling them that you still love them and appreciate their willingness to be raw with you since that is one of THEE HARDEST things ever...
Those are just some ideas... But I think the biggest key is to focus on what WE can do differently, not necessarily focus solely on what the other person has done or could do differently, though communicating what you NEED from the other person is pertinent as well...
Reconciling with someone can feel like "the end" but in actuality, it's a beginning... A fresh start... to reiterate:
"The old life is gone; a new life has begun!...no longer counting people’s sins against them..."
What a beautiful gift that we don't always take advantage of because we're too scared... Scared of accepting our flaws, scared of hearing how we've hurt someone, scared of saying the wrong thing, scared...
What do you think?
rec⋅on⋅cile:
1.to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired.
2.to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable.
3.to compose or settle (a quarrel, dispute, etc.).
4.to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent.
5.to reconsecrate (a desecrated church, cemetery, etc.).
6.to restore (an excommunicate or penitent) to communion in a church.
The idea of reconciling to me is absolutely beautiful... The fact that there is a chance of a fresh start. The chance to make right with a loved one. The chance to forgive and love... What a gift.
What's the point of constantly talking bad about someone or something? I understand venting... Oh yes I get that... But constant venting about the same thing. Doesn't it get old?
We've been given the task to reconcile. To confront a situation... My pastor once gave a sermon that I absolutely loved. I don't remember the bible verse, it summarized kind of like this:
"If someone has sinned against you, confront them. If they do not listen, bring a witness. If they still do not listen, bring it in front of the church. If they still do not listen, treat them as Jesus would treat the tax collectors..."
Now some might read that and think that nobody liked tax collectors so Jesus would write them off, in essence "well I've tried everything, and they still won't listen, so I'll write them off"... But that's not what Jesus did. He ate dinner with the tax collectors...
I believe we are called to try and reconcile, and if it doesn't work, to continue to love anyway...
But how do we reconcile?
I was recently involved in a wonderful experience of reconciliation where everyone could speak and here is a few things I learned...
When reconciling:
-We have to be willing to be raw, to really think about OURSELVES in the situation, and what WE'VE done to allow or encourage or what have you within the situation. We need to be able to recognize our "faults" our imperfections, our actions or inactions...
-There can't be defensiveness... It's our first initial reaction, and we let feelings get in the way of truly understanding how the other person feels. First listen to the other person, re-iterate what you hear from them then proceed...
-You are allowed to have your opinion and express yourself as well, but try it in a way that doesn't attack the other person. Again, acceptance of your own faults is very important, especially so the other person realizes you know you "messed" up. It's easier to forgive that way...
-Encouragement and uplifting the other person is a great way to help them feel like they aren't a terrible person... Thanking them for realizing their faults and telling them that you still love them and appreciate their willingness to be raw with you since that is one of THEE HARDEST things ever...
Those are just some ideas... But I think the biggest key is to focus on what WE can do differently, not necessarily focus solely on what the other person has done or could do differently, though communicating what you NEED from the other person is pertinent as well...
Reconciling with someone can feel like "the end" but in actuality, it's a beginning... A fresh start... to reiterate:
"The old life is gone; a new life has begun!...no longer counting people’s sins against them..."
What a beautiful gift that we don't always take advantage of because we're too scared... Scared of accepting our flaws, scared of hearing how we've hurt someone, scared of saying the wrong thing, scared...
What do you think?
Monday, June 1, 2009
Family...
Have you ever felt like you don't belong in your family? Like, your family moves on and doesn't bring you along OR you move on, and your family doesn't come with?
I'm really struggling right now... People say, "they're your family and they're going to love you no matter what" but I don't want just "love". I want a relationship... and I sometimes feel like I can't have one with them because of the distance and differences...
I was super excited for my niece to be born... I felt like somehow I had a second chance at really having a loving relationship with someone in my family, no screw ups yet, someone who'd have a chance to meet the "new" me, and accept me, and love me... Sounds pretty ridiculous huh?
It's not like I don't think my family loves me, I know they do... But sometimes I wonder if it's just a forced love, because you HAVE to love your family. I mean, I LOVE every single person in my family.
-My mom is an incredible and strong woman with a sincere interest and love for God...
-Brynn is such a strong, beautiful, inteligent woman...
-Heather is such an accepting emotional and passionate woman...
-My brother in law Matt is a hilarious, independent man...
-My step father Greg is such a unique introvert that I want to get to know better...
-My dad has never faultered (or at least he says) with his love and faith in God, and loves playing drums at church every Sunday. Never really seen him happier than when he's doing that...
-My aunt is such a loving woman who is so passionate about God...
-My uncle is a caring man...
-My cousins James (Spaz) and Joey are both unique and want to be musicians!! ...
-All my grandparents had wonderful things to offer...
Everyone in my family is beautiful in their own way and what I've said only touches the surface of how I feel about them...
Sometimes I wonder what they think of me... Am I still the stubborn brat from my childhood in their eyes who was still trying to figure out basic morals... I mean, people change, they can and they usually do and continue to... And I have, and I continue to... I continue to grow as an independent woman who "follows" Christ. I am trying and will continue to try to better myself on my walk, my journey with God, and living this captivating life of loving people!
I guess I see myself changing, a lot, for the better... and it's hard that my family isn't in Flagstaff walking right next to me in this journey. It's like when I go home to Phoenix, I end up feeling forced to not like some people or talk crap because there are still those people "we" aren't fond of... I'm trying to not be that way. I'm trying to give people more chances and to reconcile. I don't know how to really describe it... I always end up getting sucked in because "I'm not around all the time to know exactly what they're talking about, or why THEY feel a certain way about someone". Kind of goes back to my last blog about loving people who are the hardest to love...
Anyway, that's how I "feel" in my family, but I've realized that I've been kind of stubborn and somewhat selfish...
I can NOT expect my family to just know how I've been feeling or how to make me feel better... How can I expect them to know that if I do not communicate it well with them? I can not change them either, nor do I want to. I just want to be accepted, encouraged and motivated by them to help ME keep working on myself... Maybe, in a sense, I want them to "join" me to try loving those people that are the hardest to love...
I have no conclusions (when do I ever...) but I'm thinking that maybe I have the courage now to share with my family how I've been feeling, and work WITH them to make it feel like I'm "home" when I go home, because that's been missing for a while, and it really hurts. I'm not mad at my family, nor do I love them less... I just think we can better our relationship... What relationship doesn't need work?
I just want to be excited again. I want to feel like they've missed me when I go home. I want them to make an effort to keep in touch with me too, and not always blame me for being too busy (though I know I'm totally at fault for not making time either). I want them to listen to me. I want to BE a part of the family again, as silly as that might sound. Family is the only thing that will forever be constant in my life, in the sense that my friends will come and go... And I want to hold tight to them before they go...
I'm really struggling right now... People say, "they're your family and they're going to love you no matter what" but I don't want just "love". I want a relationship... and I sometimes feel like I can't have one with them because of the distance and differences...
I was super excited for my niece to be born... I felt like somehow I had a second chance at really having a loving relationship with someone in my family, no screw ups yet, someone who'd have a chance to meet the "new" me, and accept me, and love me... Sounds pretty ridiculous huh?
It's not like I don't think my family loves me, I know they do... But sometimes I wonder if it's just a forced love, because you HAVE to love your family. I mean, I LOVE every single person in my family.
-My mom is an incredible and strong woman with a sincere interest and love for God...
-Brynn is such a strong, beautiful, inteligent woman...
-Heather is such an accepting emotional and passionate woman...
-My brother in law Matt is a hilarious, independent man...
-My step father Greg is such a unique introvert that I want to get to know better...
-My dad has never faultered (or at least he says) with his love and faith in God, and loves playing drums at church every Sunday. Never really seen him happier than when he's doing that...
-My aunt is such a loving woman who is so passionate about God...
-My uncle is a caring man...
-My cousins James (Spaz) and Joey are both unique and want to be musicians!! ...
-All my grandparents had wonderful things to offer...
Everyone in my family is beautiful in their own way and what I've said only touches the surface of how I feel about them...
Sometimes I wonder what they think of me... Am I still the stubborn brat from my childhood in their eyes who was still trying to figure out basic morals... I mean, people change, they can and they usually do and continue to... And I have, and I continue to... I continue to grow as an independent woman who "follows" Christ. I am trying and will continue to try to better myself on my walk, my journey with God, and living this captivating life of loving people!
I guess I see myself changing, a lot, for the better... and it's hard that my family isn't in Flagstaff walking right next to me in this journey. It's like when I go home to Phoenix, I end up feeling forced to not like some people or talk crap because there are still those people "we" aren't fond of... I'm trying to not be that way. I'm trying to give people more chances and to reconcile. I don't know how to really describe it... I always end up getting sucked in because "I'm not around all the time to know exactly what they're talking about, or why THEY feel a certain way about someone". Kind of goes back to my last blog about loving people who are the hardest to love...
Anyway, that's how I "feel" in my family, but I've realized that I've been kind of stubborn and somewhat selfish...
I can NOT expect my family to just know how I've been feeling or how to make me feel better... How can I expect them to know that if I do not communicate it well with them? I can not change them either, nor do I want to. I just want to be accepted, encouraged and motivated by them to help ME keep working on myself... Maybe, in a sense, I want them to "join" me to try loving those people that are the hardest to love...
I have no conclusions (when do I ever...) but I'm thinking that maybe I have the courage now to share with my family how I've been feeling, and work WITH them to make it feel like I'm "home" when I go home, because that's been missing for a while, and it really hurts. I'm not mad at my family, nor do I love them less... I just think we can better our relationship... What relationship doesn't need work?
I just want to be excited again. I want to feel like they've missed me when I go home. I want them to make an effort to keep in touch with me too, and not always blame me for being too busy (though I know I'm totally at fault for not making time either). I want them to listen to me. I want to BE a part of the family again, as silly as that might sound. Family is the only thing that will forever be constant in my life, in the sense that my friends will come and go... And I want to hold tight to them before they go...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
